You're not alone. You got alot of people on here that care about you man. Remember that. 

I got a Oasis song for you today. 


https%3A//soundcloud.com/stoneroseavenger/some-might-say-avenger-remaster-version-2

"Some might say, we will find a brighter day."

And that, we will! 

Cigarettes, alcohol and JJ Cale.

Does anyone have any experience with panic attacks? How do you deal with them? I'm asking 'cause I had one the other night (at least think I did). I just ran out of breath. Felt as if I was going to have a heart attack. Prior to that I wasn't doing anything demanding (well, unless you consider studying a demanding task) nor was I particularly upset about anything, weirdly enough; but it took me a good 10 minutes to calm down and start breathing normally again. Anyway, I got really scared.



P.S. I'm not "trolling"!

I have panic attacks quite often actually, except in my case it's more like "crying on the bathroom floor, screaming, throwing stuff at the wall" kind of thing. Shrinks gave me clonazepam to control it, but I'm way too scared to take it because it can worsen depression and I am depressed enough as it is. Personally, it helps to have someone talking to me, just being busy talking or typing calms me down and after my brain stops firing off the fireworks, I can concentrate enough on fixing whatever made me burst like that.


Anyway, I should maybe share my life story of depression since I'm here in this thread already.

My life went sideways when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer 12-ish years ago. I was about 12 then and it was a punch in the face to come so close to losing a parent (she's okay now), especially since I have no one but my parents, no siblings or any other family. In addition to that, my parents were very secretive about it and it was a massive shock when I accidentally figured out what is going on. I felt super betrayed by them and I lost most of the trust I had in my parents. During the course of my teenage years and later, I've lost so many people, friends, in a way that made me stop caring about making and keeping friendships, left me broken up in so many places, totally alone. I've always been sickly but in the last year my health has kicked me to the floor to the point that I struggle keeping what little friends I still have because I'm too scared to leave my house for fear of a flare up of symptoms of a disease I still know not what is, because I've only recently started visiting doctors, but whatever I have it's likely incurable and/or autoimmune and will stay with me for the rest of my life. I had a torch of light in a boyfriend whom I dated for 3 and a half years until the son of a bitch raped me 4 months ago, completely decimating my mental health (diagnosed with adjustment disorder or smth), will to live and everything else one needs to actually look forward to being alive. I spent 4 years in college, but I had to leave for a stupid bureaucratic reason, so 4 years and a lot of money went to shit. For that reason I had to move back home to a shitty town I hate from the bottom of my heart and soul and I need to leave asap or I am going to turn into a god damned hermit. The only thing keeping me going right now is the fact that I'm seeing NGHFB in August, so Noel is quite literally my lifeline right now, I bet he would be pleased with such privilege.

Thank you. 

This. Quote.

Forever.

The last a couple of posts in this thread are nothing, but spamming. OP was asking help, so please don't mess and show some respect.

Prepare for a bit of a possible long post, because I’m ‘gonna type this as I go along because that’s how I roll! Anyway…

Hey guys, how’s it going? Should really have posted an update sooner, so my bad on that front. Thanks for all the supportive words from everyone. I’m not really sure where to start or continue off from on my last post, so I’ll probably mention things in random order as I go along. First things first, I passed my first year of my college course. No idea how I passed the exams. I was really convinced that I would fail. Got my coursework all handed in after an all-nighter or two. Literally went in there, tried my best, and it actually paid off. That’s year one over with. One more year of that course to go once it finishes in September. If somehow alive and all that, the plan is to take a year out during that time before applying to a uni (which I doubt I’ll qualify for – but you never know I guess). I don’t know whether my mental illnesses or my situation(s) in life have contributed to this, but I just feel so burnt out from education ha. It probably does sound like I’m making excuses, but the thought of going to a uni next year makes my stomach turn. Think I’d need time to adjust. Anyway, I’ll cross that bridge if I ever come to it. Right now, I’m on summer holidays from my part-time college course, so on-top of my usual long amount of time to waste, I really have an endless amount of it.

Before the exams, (I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but anyway…) as part of an assignment for my course, I had to host (as part of a group with 7 others) a charity cocktail party night in Belfast in a certain venue. I passed it, and despite falling out the group a few times, it was a very successful night. I had a bit of a panic attack beforehand, but my parents (who attended), or my mother at least calmed me down. I fell out with the group a few times too, but we got on in the end, and raised over £2000 for charity.

I’ve also had a few job interviews. I’ve had interviews with a supermarket (named the Eurospar, not certain if that brand/organisation is located anywhere which people on this forum are located, but I have a notion it is in England), Next (complete shitehole, I’m actually glad they didn’t decide to take my application further), Savers (sort of like a chemist/shop which sells health and beauty products), and G4S (security company). I signed up for a recruitment agency which got me an interview with G4S. The company had contacted me to say that I had passed the interview stage, and that they were preparing to give me a job, but had to do a ‘strick background check’ first. This was 2 weeks ago today, and I’m starting to get worried. I’ve contacted the recruitment agency about this (today actually), and they said they’ll check it up for me. The work there is a 90 day contract for a security man role for the Game of Thrones shoots (which would involve a lot of travelling – apparently the company pick you up in a van), but I’m not getting my hopes up too much. I’m still job hunting to keep options open, and all I can do is hope that they call or contact me soon.

Obviously, I’m still a friendless hermit. However, by creating Facebook recently, I got in contact with a casual high school friend (haven’t heard from him in 5 years), who wasn’t exactly the worst. Back then in high school, we casually got on, and talked sometimes. If you read my first post to open this thread, I had a tough time in high school. However, it was nice to talk to him. He now lives in London, England (where he originally came from anyway) – working for a computer company after dropping out of university. To my surprise, he actually came over to Northern Ireland (his grandfather is unfortunately unwell), and we met up down 40+ miles in Belfast, where we attended an indy wrestling show named ‘Pro Wrestling Ulster’ (we’re mega wrestling fans – he actually attended this year’s WrestleMania over in America). It was nice to have some company for a change, and we’re planning to go to Scotland for the WWE RAW television taping in November over in Glasgow. We keep in-touch via Facebook. I’m still very lonely however, and don’t want to reveal my problems to him – especially as I’m not a ‘best friend’ or anything, and he lives way over in England. Words can’t describe my social isolation or loneliness, it’s horrible.

Me and my mother recently went last month to see Neil Young down in Belfast too. He was absolutely amazing. Couldn’t believe a pathetic friendless hermit like me has actually seen Neil Young (who was performing with The Promise of the Real). My older brother and I were also front row a week later for WWE NXT, a live event. We had such a great night. My brother actually said it was one of the best nights of his life haha. It was really, really good. I actually drank alcohol (which is extremely rare for me – as I might have mentioned previously in one of the other posts in this thread), and we both got drunk ha. It was a great night. The atmosphere and the fans there, as well as the performers and the in-ring action on display made it all as well.

Some of you might have heard this, but me and Tom Beaty (some of you may know tomlivesforever on here - sorry I don't know how to tag) are meeting up on Friday, where he’ll be staying at mine. We’re going down an average of 160 miles to Dublin to see The Stone Roses in Marlay Park on the Saturday. Apparently Tom will be driving there, so I still need to discuss some things with ya dude!! You’re as hard as me to get in contact with hahahaha. We’ll probably have to leave VERY early in the morning hours. I’m really looking forward to it, and meeting Tom as well. Just hope nothing gets in the way, and we get safely there, and such.

My older sister also had another baby recently (I might have mentioned it before – sorry, my memory is bad) – so I’m an uncle again. Her name is Elsie, and she’s very wonderful.

Anyway, I think I’ve gone on for too long, so I’ll try leave it all here. I’m still getting very suicidal, I still cry myself to sleep most of the time, and get very disillusioned (some mornings, I can’t get outta bed at all), and such. I’ve been resisting the urge to self-harm too. I’m still pathetic and all, lonely, social isolated – but I am trying. I just hope things can change, even if years down the line. Thanks for hearing me out – Luke.

Well, those are looking like a lot of positive things, Luke! Good to hear you passed your year, the job thing looks good too.

Also good to hear that you've reconnected with a casual friend, who knows where this may lead! The first steps have been taken. You might make some friends at uni too, and at the future job.

It looks to me as if you're trying very hard to deal as good with it as possible, and I'm sure that doing all of the things you mentioned really helps you. It may sound a bit stupid, considering I don't actually know you, but I'm proud of you for achieving this.


I also want to say to tomlivesforever that I think it's great he's doing this. And great from you, Luke, as well. I know Tom has his own issues. I hope the two of you will have fun, but I'm sure that'll work out.

Excellent work! You certainly have been trying different things. One small suggestion - take it if you will - no longer refer to yourself as a friendless hermit. Perhaps replace with a person seeking friends. Self imposed titles can work against us and given the fact you've gone to wrestling matches and concerts, planned a cocktail party, went to school and might be up for an enviable job / you may just have a more interesting life than myself!

How lovely it is to see someone using the internet for the right reasons, for once: to actually contribute some good to the world. Many pretend like they do, of course, but more often than not, it's all just a vanity project. But with this, you've obviously been in contact with Luke for some time, to organise all this, unbeknown to us all. So kudos to you, Tom. That's champion, that. Hope you and Luke enjoy the Roses!