Don't Believe The Truth
Oasis

Since when were Oasis about celebrating mediocrity? According to The Critics, 'Don't Believe The Truth' is A Good Album. Fine, but the reason given? It's not because it's a return to the form Oasis lost back in 1996, not because it shows the band trying, finally, to do something different; instead, 'Don't Believe The Truth' is being praised for not being shit. Oh, and for ripping off someone different from The Beatles. What? The? FUCK? Since when has doing slightly better than average been worthy of praise? When you're trying to encourage a kid who struggles at Maths maybe, but when you're dealing with bloated multi- millionaire musicians who blow their own horns so loud they could fell the Walls of Jericho? Come on.

Yes, 'Don't Believe The Truth' is an improvement on the trilogy of folly that is 'Be Here Now', 'Heathen Chemistry' and 'Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants'. But so what? Can't polish a turd, you know. And the claim that the different 'influences' make this worthy of your time and praise? Where's the logic in that? Appropriation and then rebuilding into something entirely new is one thing, endlessly ploughing someone else's borrowed furrow is merely going to get you into a big shitty hole.

So there's the Stones in recent single 'Lyla', 'Mucky Fingers' does Lou Reed, 'Meaning of Soul' and 'Keep The Dream Alive' The Kinks, 'Guess God Thinks I'm Abel' and 'Let There Be Love' crassly desperate attempt a John Lennon.

I mean, either Oasis are as thick as they seem, and still genuinely don't notice that their songs are about as original as a Plaster of Paris knock-off of Michelangelo's David with a 12-inch dong, or they are evil, and clever, know exactly what the increasingly corporate and mundane music industry wants, and are laughing all the way to the bank.

For the rest of 'Don't Believe The Truth' does what post-'96 Oasis have always done, and rip off Oasis; the end result can only be similarly insipid as trying dilute a bucket of squash with North Sea. So it's all grizzly and pompous guitars, lumpen drumming, tedious rhythms and, above all, Liam Gallagher's tuneless shrieking of nonsensical lyrics; lyrics that have that sneaky trick of containing profundity for morons.

"But I'm not your keeper," Liam and Noel sing on 'Turn Up The Sun'. But that's the point, Oasis are the keepers, the keepers of some mass-produced psuedo-ideology that has millions of men, (yes, men, I would love to see the gender breakdown of who exactly buys Oasis records) bumblingly content. Stupid, idiotic men, willing to never look beyond the next football match, next pint of weak lager, next pathetic, dribbling wank over some unfortunate suburban girl with her legs splayed in Razzle. This is music for them, and I want no part of it; and if that makes me a snob, then actually, I'm rather glad. I'll go further, and say that Oasis, and all they stand for, are, along with celebrity culture, junk food and happy hours, are one of those that things that supports the status quo, causing the destruction of cultural identity, and stifling the underground. There's a certain irony that, despite their frequent and desperate protestations of being 'with the people', Oasis and what they stand for actually shore up the British class system.