1 When do you know you're too far from the stage?

When you can't see the singer's lips on the jumbotron screen

learned at a rolling stone stadium show

2 What's a good, quick way to make a fool of yourself infront of the audience and musician?

By getting to the front of the stage and yelling out repeatidly for a song until the singer turns to you and states that he no longer plays that song and that you have been yelling out an incorrect song title

learned at a johnathan richman club show

3 What don't you do in a mosh pit?

Look for a lost contact lens

Learned at a Beastie Boy club show.

4 When do audience members not get excited by guest vocalists?

When it is you singing (screaming) in their ear

Learned at an Oasis club show

5 How do you avoid the chaotic after show rush to get out of the venue?

Go to an event where Oasis are not the headliners.

Sorry Black Crowes
Sorry Neil Young